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Jun. 15th, 2006 @ 11:54 am Funny
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I received an email from someone claiming to be a member of Midway Baptist church saying they thought it was despicable the way I have treated Angela. Oddly enough I also got this message from someone claiming that these are emails that Bryan sent to Angela. For the most part I've just been deleting the emails and erasing the posts because it's all in the past now. There is of course no way to know for sure, but it would be consistant with the personal adds and so forth. Surely Angela wouldn't sleep with Bryan while her husband was away would she? Maybe when he talks about being in bed with her and having a quickie it's a metaphore for something else. It's too bad Angela was opposed to discussing these particular issues and accused me of trying to record our phone conversations when I did ask directly. In the personal add she placed on match.com she did ask for someone 'direct and honest'...so why couldn't we have had a direct conversation about this issue?


9/10/05
Joe and I wound up doing the cooking for John's bachelor party.
Bratwurst and burgers were the menu and we did good. There was some
poker for small time money and then exactly two beers at the very end
of the evening after John's dad left. All in all a good time, but I
missed you all the same. Something about your touch and the way you
snuggle into me. I hated to leave you in the bed this morning. I
just wanted to snuggle back in and sleep until whenever.

*sigh*

talk to you tomorrow? I'm not out until ten pm

>B

11/25/05
Three questions? Okay. Am I sexier than you? Will I see you
tonight? Did you enjoy your quickie?

Sleep well.

>B
May. 4th, 2006 @ 10:04 pm (no subject)
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Time to be moving on. Who knows what happened to my marriage, nobody offered an explanation and discussion about it was essentially nonexistent. I loved my wife and trusted her absolutely. Maybe Bryan can make her happy where I obviously could not or was he just a distraction to pass the time? She took everything and perhaps that will make her content. Of course I have to be the villain to those close to her, because that partially excuses her behavior. Damn the truth, just don't rock the boat right? Time to pick up regrets and move past this. A person is truly fortunate if they can find something true even once in a lifetime.

"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
Apr. 20th, 2006 @ 01:17 pm (no subject)
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Nobody really cares and people will generally believe whatever makes them comfortable, but here it is all the same.


*****BELOW IS A LINK TO THE PERSONAL AD THAT ANGELA PLACED SHORTLY AFTER I ARRIVED IN IRAQ******

http://www.holyhandgrenade.com/showprofile.aspx.htm

*****AFTER I RESPONDED TO THE AD SHE INVITED ME TO CHAT*******

-note that she tells this person she has just met all about her last boyfriend who cheated on her and says she had to break up with him because there is no way that she would introduce such negative behavior to her neice and nephews.

musick924 : well...I'm not marriagephobic...I have been close a couple
of times...the guy always does something crazy like cheating...and you
definitely shouldn't marry someone who cheats while dating
ryancaser: That is pretty obvious to most people. Whatever happened to
all the honest people?
musick924 : well...I'm going to send you those photos...brb
ryancaser: Alright.

ryancaser: So how long since your last 'serious' relationship anyway?
musick924 : ok...here comes the silly photo
musick924 : well...it was over last October...I guess it was really
over way before that, but that's when it officially ended. I am
healed from it, though...how about you?
ryancaser: About a year I suppose. That's why moving slowly is my preferred
method. Was yours messy?
musick924 : well...it died a slow death, so it wasn't messy when it
was all over...I think that you are right about moving slowly.
musick924 : was yours messy?

ryancaser: Where do your parents live?
musick924 : About an hour south of here
musick924 : Here being Lexington
ryancaser: Do your parents generally like the guys you date?
musick924 : lol...
musick924 : well...about 50/50...they liked the last one until he
started behaving badly
musick924 : but they usually feel that the men are unworthy
musick924 : I guess all parents feel like that
ryancaser: What did he do?
musick924 : cheated on me...among other things
musick924 : I am so over it, though, that it doesn't even hurt to
think about it...the only time it bothers me is when my little niece
or nephews ask about him.
ryancaser: What do you tell them? They probably don't understand the
cheating thing.
musick924 : No...and I would never introduce them to that kind of
negative behavior. I just tell them that sometimes people move away.
musick924 : I feel guilty for letting them love him.
musick924 : But they are so little, that they will forget it soon, I
think. My niece is 7, and my seven nephews range in age from 17
months to 5 years old.
ryancaser: Do you ever run into him any place? Is he with the girl he
cheated on you with?
musick924 : No...not really...he did come to my church at Christmas
time, but when he got no reaction from me, I think that finalized it
in his mind.

******JUST AFTER THIS CHAT CONVERSATION SHE SENT ME THIS EMAIL..HERE IS THE LINK TO THAT EMAIL***********

http://eric77.googlepages.com/home


This is not the forum where this discussion was supposed to have taken place. People in my church are accusing me of abuse of various kinds and all manner of indecent behavior. The reason I am sharing this is more a matter of self defense. Stop and consider that if Angela could conduct herself like this while her husband is in a war zone than possibly a moment or two of deliberation is in order. It is easier to accuse someone from afar than it is to acknowledge the fault of someone closer to home. That seems to be the path of least resistance that many have taken. Through this entire ordeal I have lost my wife, my home, my church, a family that I adored and many friends. When I turned to my church for assistance before things got so out of hand leadership repeatedly ignored pleas for help. My take on that is if you're going to pastor a church....do the job. Being the minister of a church is more than eloquent sermons and potlucks…life is a difficult struggle and the Bible commands us to lean on one another. We kind of dropped the proverbial ball there didn’t we? It’s easy to delete an email from someone on the other side of the planet whom you don’t have to look at weekly. Some of you are going to think, ‘Gosh what kind of person could hurt Angela by displaying things like this publicly?’ Let me counter that by asking what kind of church would watch one of their members lives come completely unraveled and do virtually nothing? Am I blameless…you’d be a fool to think that, but I was prepared to go to any measure to save my marriage. It is appropriate to present this evidence in light of the accusations that church members are making against me. My hope is that people will stop, look at just these few facts and give me the benefit of a doubt. There are several men in the church who did reach out to me and I understand they were in a precarious situation with no way to determine what was the truth and what was not and so took a more neutral position. I will always remember Bill McGregor and Don Dobson especially for their compassion and kindness towards me. Angela and I were married for a very short amount of time before I left and yes I did withdraw when I found out about the deployment, but I was dealing with the stress and fear the best way I was equipped to. I am sorry that these events have taken such a course and such private matters were made to be a spectacle. My desire was to resolve this behind closed doors, but every door I knocked on was closed to me.


****UPDATE*********


Okay so some of the church members are sending me emails and I wanted to make some commentary on that in particular:

Letha Drury claims that she knew our marriage would fail. She goes on to ask that I not contact her again.

Michelle Lee called me a disgrace to the United States, a coward and a liar.

Bill McAlpin made it a point to tell me to quit whining and to never email him again.

Trinity and Elizabeth Davis do not appreciate the things that I have done to their dear friend. They insist they are delighted at the prospect of never hearing from me again. Truly I was hoping for an example of my infamous cruelty, but vague allegations seemed to be the most solid ammunition available.

My most favorite one was when someone from the church accused me of 'psychotic manhandling'...what creative wording....what does it mean exactly?

Probably cliche and a little juvenile, but I gotta' throw it out:...what would Jesus do?

I could go on, but why? Only one person has bothered to engage in a civil conversation with this wretched liar. I invited those who made accusations to take responsibility for their claims, but they are content to execute the Na-Na-Na-I'm-not-listening routine. Do people not realize that this whole situation erupted because people were unwilling or unable to communicate clearly? Should one child say to another child in the nursery at this church on Sunday morning such things I am certain that these adults would attempt to correct that child. Likely they would insist that Christians do not speak that way to others. No, churches are not perfect, but some of these people are leaders in this church. So if there is no distiction in behavior between people that attend the church and the people that do not where is the problem?
Mar. 17th, 2006 @ 04:23 pm (no subject)
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There are three things that will endure-faith, hope and love-and the greatest of these is love.
Mar. 13th, 2006 @ 12:47 pm (no subject)
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It has been a while since I've said a great deal on the journal and that's not likely to change soon. At the moment I am facing a particularly challenging storm in life. I have hope and in time that hope will be triumphant though the exact course of my trek is still not mapped out. My hope is surely brilliant however to is nightfall filled with steely suffering. As those of us affected by this turn of events endure obstacles I do plead that if you are a person of faith you will intercede for me and the other parties involved in what I can only describe as being a bittersweet struggle in an arena where the only weapon that can effectively be waged is love. As I wage that weapon I also must insist your envy be held in check because if any could truly see the wonders I have there first instinct would be to snatch these treasures from me, but jealously I guard them. I know God’s hand is working here but understanding isn’t easy to find and frustration a constant rub. Please do offer up your prayers though I am not certain how long it will before I make another entry I offer my thanks to those of you who are praying far in advance of the most intense leg of this race.
Feb. 24th, 2006 @ 08:15 am (no subject)
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You know I am acutely reminded today of just how blessed I am when I look at what is going on in the Philippines. As if the mud slide wasn't enough to endure it looks like the president there is trying to suppress a revolt that some high ranking military officers are involved in hatching. Hopefully the presense of the Marines who are in the neighborhood helping with rescue operations will act to stabalize the situation. The actual rescue efforts are looking very bleak and I think they are shifting gears to more of a recovery effort. They thought they had found the roof of the school, but it turns out that wasn't the case. How very tragic for those people.

I'm just trying to run errands and take care of some business and keep my mind occupied and productive today as much as I can.
Feb. 19th, 2006 @ 10:19 am (no subject)
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Did anyone else hear about this? I'm disturbed by it for some reason.

http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/cellphones/car-crash-victims-arm-found-cellphone-intact-155708.php
Feb. 15th, 2006 @ 03:28 am (no subject)
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My memory is a little fuzzy...when I was home on leave who did I visit with and who did I not visit with? Many people were understanding and knew that Angela and I had gone on vacation in Washington DC.

One reason I am bringing this up is because in retrospect I did now want anyone to feel as though they had been purposely neglected. Understand that I only had a approximately two weeks in the States and over half of that time my wife and I were gone. An acquaintance recently confided in me that they were disappointed that I could not make it back home and expressed further dissatisfaction at the knowledge that I had in fact been granted leave. My hope is that no one is harboring any resentment and though I do not claim to manage time to the utmost degree of efficiency saw as many people as I could. The conversation simply took me off guard is all.
Feb. 10th, 2006 @ 07:27 pm (no subject)
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A friend showed up quite unexpectedly (at least to me) today from Chicago and I think a bunch of us are going to either hang about aimlessly and watch a movie or go out and socialize. It’s been a slow day and tomorrow will probably be dedicated primarily to cleaning the apartment and doing laundry ‘cause I’m addicted to adrenaline and need my fix.
Feb. 6th, 2006 @ 09:54 pm (no subject)
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You know sushi from Kroger isn’t all that bad and you get the flexibility to sit at home dressed however you please while you munch it down. No shirt…No shoes…No problem. Follow that up with some cranberry juice and my tummy is happy.

Children should come with warning labels. Saturday I ventured to take my niece and nephew (5 yrs and 7 yrs respectively) to the Exploratorium (formerly the Lexington Children’s Museum) and then to Gatti Town. On the way to drop them off my little nice told me that she loved me….that made the whole agonizing day and several hundred dollars worth it. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was awash with relief when I drove away from my mother’s house alone savoring the silence that had evaded me the bulk of the day. Maybe I’ll be brave enough to have another go at it in a few weeks.

It’s going to be a very busy week and I would like to say that my divorce will be finalized soon and Angela and I can move on. Lots of stuff going on.
Feb. 1st, 2006 @ 03:45 pm (no subject)
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Well, I'm hoping the divorce can be wrapped up soon and I can be done with this chapter of my life. That's the biggest thing going on I guess right now...that and I'm trying to find out if I'm going to be kicked out of this apartment in a few months for some remodeling or not. I am simply tired of moving...probably in the last sixteen months I've moved seven or eight times and I'm really not thrilled about having to do so again.
Jan. 26th, 2006 @ 07:18 am (no subject)
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I have described my apartment recently to someone as a post apocalyptic Best Buy and I think that description is not in danger of failing to capture the ambiance of the place. Lots of computer equipment and electronics. I was forced by necessity to buy another vacuum cleaner and while I did take the time to assemble it still haven't cleaned the floor. My first order of business when I moved in was to get internet access and that has been achieved. This morning I'm trying to install a photo printer wearing only a smile on my face and my divers watch. Probably I need to get this finished and take a shower and then I need to go to the court house to look into some of the silly divorce business.
Jan. 24th, 2006 @ 07:54 am (no subject)
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Okay I finally got setteled into an apartment, though I’m not sure what’s going to happen with my living arrangements currently. There’s a chance they may and I’ll have to move to a different location temporarily. If not I’ve got a friend who is an interior design enthusiast who is going to help me trick people into thinking I have taste.

Hopefully, my divorce will be finalized soon, but I don’t foresee that process being overly complicated and do sincerely hope that my wife does find whatever it is she’s looking for in this world to make her happy. We’ll probably both end up better off in the long run after we’ve gone our separate ways.
Jan. 20th, 2006 @ 05:31 am (no subject)
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well my friend from LA was supposed to call me last night so we could work through some social drama with mutual acquaintances, but it never happened. it does pain me slightly that W and I apparently can't be friends, but she's a good girl and things will work out fine on her end. *shrug* i guess that's that.

i was able to find two of the three things i was looking for in storage yesterday....i found my glock and an address for my relatives that live in Georgia, but couldn't find my racquetball racket. i guess i have to look again today. *sigh* kirk, wants to go hit the ball around the court with me....i need to go murder that little blue sphere and just get rid of some of this nervous energy that's bouncing around the inside my head.

tonight my friends Bonnie and Kirk are going to be going with me to the booksigning shin dig in Nicholasville. that should be a fun evening.
Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 04:12 am (no subject)
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When I was walking into the bookstore last night I was strolling past a man taking pictures of two woman posing next to a book display. I volunteered to snap the photo so the three of them could be included. The four of us talked. One of the ladies was the author of the book on display and the other two carbon-based bipeds were her publicists. After a brief chit chat the author came up to me and said basically she needed to pass an important message to me. She put her hand on my arm and told me to stop resisting what God wanted to do with my life...I wonder if there was a coincidence that the instant in time she said this my blood ran colder a shade of sudden death. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it and my little shovel is aflurry as I dig into my entrenchments in order to resist the idea that maybe fate is meddling in my life...though I think I'm digging much slower after a night of contemplation and a few hours of sleep. Am I flypaper for freaks or maybe there is a more lofty explanation.

Next Saturday I am having dinner with my dear friends Lee and Gail....you guys are perfect examples of why I couldn't justify reducing the earth to a smoldering cinder should I happen to be granted absolute and supreme power over all living creatures in the known universe. Way to go. :)

Oh speaking of the universe...I have to tell you that it does not hinge on or revolve around my ex girlfriend. A beloved friend of mine was trying to arrange a dinner party of some close acquaintances and one of those people invited was an ex girlfriend who has apparently fallen off the merry go round at life's little carnival and believes her prostate homage to 'Ooops' is okay. She basically tried to generate all this drama and excitement by saying that the host of said dinner party was conspiring to get she and I back together even though she is married. How petty. The source of all of this I suspect is her 'I'm always the victim' husband who I've never met. No drama.....I shall assassinate drama with the greatest sense of prejudice and then not afford it a runnier than eggs second thought as I wonder about some odd phenomenon like el nino and hold out hope that Diana Krall is going to stalk me...*sigh*. Really, I don't care if this person and I get together again or not and I am certainly not clinging to some romantic hope that I can tear her away from her overly confident husband....people grow up. I wanted to be this girls friend and she's tossed that possibility aside for the sake of some half cocked conspiracy theory about one of our pals playing match maker. *shaking head* What a dork. I simply wanted to wrap her in the fuzzy wuzzy blanket of companionship, but she is making the choice to stand in the cold. "How very Winchester Road"...as a buddy of mine says. How trite and petty and tragic that a potentially good friendship got scrapped because she is letting this man's insecurities dictate who she can and cannot associate with. Oh well....her loss not mine. If she ever finds enough courage to stand up to this guy I think we have a beautiful friendship somewhere in a parallel universe that we can realize, but somehow I see her own lack of confidence and misunderstanding preventing us from watching this good thing blossom. Tell me...who is the eagle and the duck now.
Jan. 18th, 2006 @ 11:10 pm (no subject)
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Okay, so I ran across this guy in Sloan's market today. Take note of the nametag.

http://eric77.smugmug.com/photos/52993028-L.jpg
Jan. 18th, 2006 @ 04:10 am (no subject)
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Okay...again who sleeps. A close acquaintance asked me tonight on my return from watching the movie Elizabethtown for the second time if I was on drugs. No, just can't sleep soundly anymore. By the way if you're reading this make me a promise....go watch this movie. It could only have been written by a man that was a) brilliant and b) by someone that lived in KY. Someone told me that the author, Cameron Crowe, lives in LA now which....well, do what you want. I recently had an encounter with John Michael Montgomery while having lunch and I think I'm going to swing in today to see if I can't talk to him again. He lives in Nicholasville and I was supposing that's because he's within driving distance of Nashville, but also because living here....well, this place and his environment make him who he is...it's home. Oh, by the way I don't listen to a lot of country music with the exception of like five songs. Now, maybe this means the end of the world is on our doorstep or maybe just being in Iraq broke my will, but I JUST FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT...that John Michael Montgomery writes one of the five I like. When we talked I didn't tell him I'd just gotten back, but I want to hopefully do so today and furthermore that I really appreciated the song 'Letters'from Home' having been in Iraq. I want to know how he came up with it and just express my appreciation for him having performed the song. I'll keep you updated. It was crazy...he's really approachable to be such an accomplished artist.

http://eric77.smugmug.com/gallery/1135534 <<-- Here's me and John. Right before the photo was taken I looked over at him and said, "Could you look over at me for this photo as if you and I are really good friends so I can make up wild and crazy stories about this later"...and while I have the floor....people get a grip. Photoshop is the de facto standarda on that little blue sphere in the inky blackness called Earth. This is in a pissy format and I couldn't perform a few basic touchups (red eye etc) because I was using a piece of software with an interface designed by little monkeys.

Now this is cool. In about a space of an hour and half last night something happened. I have a book idea that I am going to pour myself into.....basically a collection of characterature studies.....and it's crazy how it happened. Twenty minutes after I realize I have no choice but to do this a person calls me who has experience publishing books and we're meeting for dinner tonight. Then, like, an hour later I talk to a woman that has become to me in a few short weeks (sort of)unforgetable in so many ways and she knows someone of exceptional influence who might be able to get the book off the ground if I can make it work. Personally, the success or the failure of this project doesn't matter to me..but I have to do it. By the way the previous mentioned person and I exchanged email for a long time and I was convinced that she was the the alter ego of another person that I knew and didn't even exist at all. I was surprised to find out that she actually had her own social security number. Which makes me wonder....if social security is going to dry up....are they going to chance the name of the social SECURITY number to something like.....social "IDENTITY" number?

Linda...the quote was men think in boxes and woman think in round rooms. My friend says that I'm lucky and my box has rounded corners. I'll see you at the wine tasting... :) I want to quiz the owner on Irish Mead. I've got two bottels and before I drink the first drop I want to understand what it is I'm putting to my lips.

I am bored.

//a thought of mine: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ericiniraq/33254.html?thread=181478#t181478
Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 04:58 am (no subject)
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Good morning. Is it late or is it early? I guess that depends on where you are on the map when it comes right down to it. The older I get the more I learn that perspective is quite important...though not so important as to serve to dismantle all absolutes. I just woke up and can't sleep...but then who ever sleeps anymore right. I'm staying at a friends house in Wilmore because my wife and are are getting a divorce and well since her dad owns our house...*shrug* I think our marriage deteriorated because both of us never really found a way to become a part of the collective effort. We were always two people.....two totally separate people.....separate bathrooms.....we just never found a way to fully commit to the marriage. So when things got wacky and I left for Iraq it just kinda' fell apart. It's more complicated than that, but that's basically it. Both my wife and I have been dishonest and both of us have at this committed not to seek reconciliation in one fashion or another. Right now I'm just hoping that we can walk away and learn something about ourselves and maybe improve as people. My last ditch effort including seeking third party mediation from our church but that failed. I must tell you that I'm annoyed by a particular aspect of that venture. There's a man assuming the role of minister of what is still technically our church. If you ever find yourself under the stewardship of this particular Shepard in God's Kingdon with a marriage in crisis.....don't bother emailing him and asking for help. Janitors clean floors you know...because that's what they do. Pilots fly airplanes. I would love to see the description of this gentleman's duties and a list of the responsibilities that he has to the people that sit in the pews of his church. Yea, I'm a little bitter about it, but am I wrong. Guess what.......if you you're going to stand behind that pulpit and pretend to be a real life minister.....then you get all the crap details that come along with it. I don't know the man, but I do (and I admit I could be wrong) imagine that he's somewhat of a romantic and a theorist. By the way...before I forget....I'm using four percent of the 2685 MB afforded me for storage of data in my gmail account. Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter now I suppose. Only that here's a man that I've never met...who had a responsibility to me assigned him by the people who considered him worthy of that position he now holds and charged by God to watch over his flock. Probably this all has a really easy explanation, but I don't see it. Scholastically this man is probably the shit....where the rubber meets the road however and on the scoreboard at the end of the day....he might be doing what he's doing because he likes to hear the sweet echoes of his own voice reverberating off of the rows of empty little heads of people that sit in his presence each week.....and how many of those little heads are wondering who's winning the football/basketball game or hoping they didn't forget to turn on the pot roast. Not all the little cranial cavities are filled with such fruity little babbles...but a lot of people don't sit in those pews because they want to know Gods face...many are either seeking strictly God's hand or overly worried that somebody is going to notice they didn't wear matching accessories. I have to tell you that my seemingly bitter attitude is a side affect of my affection for honesty and it's hard to take one and not receive the other. I know my perception might be wrong.....it pains me that no one has been able to tear that perception apart though. So there it stands in all its’ hideous glory staring at me...sneering at me. And he, aloof in his ivory towers of pristine silken standards and shimmering ideas...but remember to take off your shoes at the door if you come into his tower less you track any icky mud in with you and we wouldn't want to disturb the blissful ambiance of his sanctuary. No I'm not blaming this guy for the failure of my marriage, but my stupidity doensn't excuse other peoples. *shaking head and chuckling* Well, CS Lewis and I have been getting to know one another and I'm glad that even while I'm sitting in Josephy Beth Booksellers drinking my fourth glass of Rex Goliath merlot and savoring a piece of tiramasu (which technically isn't tiramasu) he's got the time of day for me. He [pious pretend minister guy] did recommend a really good book to me though indirectly. So I guess he's not all bad. I'm not upset with God about this....goodness knows I'm the most assed up Christian you'll ever find....but I am upset that people are allowed to pick up those banner that say 'first aid..this way" and walk around with them beckoning the wounded to seek aid under those breeze beaten colors....only to find 'no room at the inn'. Grace is enough though...you know.

By the way...here's to you Reverend King...If you get a chance today find that song in whatever form called Pride by U2 and play it really loud...and then take a moment and remember this man.
Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 06:37 am (no subject)
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Well, the barracks are cleaned and we're all trickling back in from breakfast. In an hour or so we'll leave and get over to the airfield. See you guys soon.
Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 02:24 am (no subject)
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I'm combining the power of jet lag with my introverted tendencies and here I am after sleeping earlier today going counter the popular schedule so I can be afforded the chance to think some. Did medical screenings all day. Getting up to come down to the day room I saw several of my brothers in arms inspecting the toilet from various angles after much celebration....personally, I'm not a proponent of the sport.

We could count down our homecoming now in hours if we wanted. I was telling someone today that as dysfunctional as they are these people have all been our family for more than a year in situations where you're life was literally in the hands of the other guy. On Monday we'll all go our separate ways...very strange feeling.


So many of us are so anxious to move from this extraordinary event in our lives back to the ordinary sadly...I say resist that urge. This year meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people...for me perhaps more of an awakening. I see the world differently...myself differently....and people that I used to know differently. Sometimes we're lucky when things go awry from our expectations. I will only comment on my personal affairs to people who ask me directly. I am feeling good about this disaster of sorts and just sorry that so many people whose opinion I respect will let their personal allegiances serve as a substitute for the truth. But hey...as a dear friend of mine said recently and I think I subscribe to....karma is sometimes not so mild a mistress.
Jan. 5th, 2006 @ 12:38 pm (no subject)
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Death by briefings...that's about what we're doing right now. Lot's of good times though and everyone is in great spirits. Last night most everyone went out to celebrate and there was much merry making. ;) Just a few more days..but heck, I could hike to KY from here if I had to.
Jan. 4th, 2006 @ 05:55 am (no subject)
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WE WRE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time is 0555 and we have touched down at Fort Dix!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry it took so long...we had to stop for a Guinness in Ireland. :)
Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 06:51 pm (no subject)
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local time is almost 7pm. our formation time got bumbed a little which means i can get a shower and a tad bit of sleep before we kick it off tomorrow. i had a good conversation with some chick named Reem for about three hours tonight who lives in Kuwait and I've got an open invite to come back sometime. it pisses me off that i didn't get to spend any time in Kuwait city.

Rheta, Steve, Todd[0], Todd[1]..thanks guys. I should be reunited with my camera at the ceremoney and hopefully capture a few of those beautiful little moments of reunion just so.
Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 12:23 pm (no subject)
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Current Music: barber-adagio for strings...sweet perfect abandon heartache
We are probably about 24 hours from leaving Kuwait. Today we turned in our personal weapons and later tonight we'll move to temp housing to prep for the flight out. There is an excellent chance my next update will be made from American soil. Yesterday morning I took a sigle snapshot of the last time I migh ever see the sun come up in Iraq...it was not like any other sunrise in such a long time.
Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 07:15 pm (no subject)
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Got to Kuwait...schedule will be full throttle until we go wheels up for Jersey. Here probably about 72 hours. Maybe more later...hungry and tired.

Happy New Year!

I hope this is not in poor taste, but the photo sums up the mood of the company.

http://eric77.smugmug.com/gallery/1061583
Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 01:16 am (no subject)
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Today somebody asked me what three things I"d take with me if I were on a deserted island...three food items and three general items.....easy.

-sushi, a pear, tiramasu

-bible, complete works of Shakespeare, Thomas Aquinas

I'm curious what other people might think they'd bring.


My endgame needs to be refined, strengthened...
Dec. 30th, 2005 @ 08:55 am (no subject)
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Life's strange. Today I had a conversation with a chap from Thailand named Damon. He was born and grew up in Texas, but now manages a strip club in Thailand and is here as an employee of KBR (Haliburton) The two of us have been talking all week and have developed a good repoire. I asked him how he ended up living in Thailand and he said his very best friend from highschool got colon cancer several years ago and abruptly died. He thought about it for a few weeks and finally went to work and said he wouldn't be in the following day. He said he'd always had a lot of Thai friends and was infatuated with the country. The day after he quite he got on a plane and has been there ever since. He seems like a decent fellow and when I asked if I could come visit he said he would be thrilled to have me. He gave me his contact information and I have decided to try to go next year. He lives two hours south of Bangkok...which he said we could visit, but I shouldn't go alone. When I asked him about the city he said it was like LA only much worse crime. So if I go and get murdered in an alley way or something they'll probably still my camera. If they don't please someone be a dear and get the film developed...I'll probably have one or two shots worth keeping. So now I have the trip to Arizona and the one to Thailand planned though I don't think the odds of me getting murdered in AZ are quite as high. If I should ever die doing something I love well...can we hope for more than that from life?

By my estimate we will be back in KY in two..two and a half weeks. Weird eh?
Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 04:27 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: determined
Current Music: alanis morissette- thank you
//note: EVERY other web page loads accept GMAIL. i can't get to a command line here on these boxes. does anyone know if there's a web based nslook someplace i can use to get the ip so i can bypass the dns? also will the mozilla email client run from a thumb drive?

I'm sick. It's cold. Many of my possesions have possibly been lost in transit to Camp Spiecher. Major portions of my life are completely amiss and up in the air. ...and yet everything is copacetic.

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence
Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 05:51 am (no subject)
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Let the good times roll on...

Firstly, I want to share a moment with you. Ask any soldier who has been to Iraq (or deployed anywhere for that matter) and they'll tell you that nobody ever knows what day it is. I can tell you the date, but not if it's Monday or not. You can walk into a room with 10 people and get four different answers...you think I'm kidding. So walking around Camp Spiecher yesterday I walked by a building that looked like it had offended a B52 pilot at some point in the recent past and painted on the side of it was this:

"Welcome to Ground Hog Day"

Instantly it made sense to me and summoned up images of the Bill Murphy movie. I was already in a giddy mood and this just sent me over the edge. I took a few pictures. Oh the stories I could tell you about my life right now....too many.

We took our Chinook ride to Tikrit yesterday. I attempted to hand the pilot a note that said...."I heard you guys fly like girls.....Am I wrong? ....$10 per barf". They were not game....wusses.

The chow hall here blows me away and there's a bathroom that is so nice...I walked in yesterday and...is it normal for a clean environment to leave people stunned? I think my standards are so low right now that if I had to hypothetically go searching for an apartment when I got home I think my only three criteria would be that I could adequately secure the place, no bad neighbours (or leave to punish them at my will) and a toilet that flushes.

So according to my thinking... holy cow + h (helicopter) = holy chow The food hear rules.

I guess the whole company will be here soon and we'll wait on our haunches a few days and then bounce to Kuwait. Everyone is in great spirits.
Dec. 24th, 2005 @ 04:12 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Vienna Boys Choir- Ave Maria
So the most Christmasy thing I did this year was tie four little red bows on my M249 SAW (light machine gun) and hung a little stocking by my bunk. Well, that I went through my mp3s and put a playlist of Christmas songs on my ipod mini. There's some good stuff on there..Miles Davis doing We Three Kings...but my favorite is Diana Krall singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...lot of Trans Siberian Orchestra..which if you've never heard Jesu Joy.. done to electric guitar....well, I think it's what Bach would have wanted. By the way if anyone knows Diana Krall please give her my email address. :)

The notorious 'they' are shutting down the Internet this morning for some reason and since it's planned in advance I can't speculate why. So I came over here at an obscene hour to do email and harass people that I could. It's funny how fluid life is. Last year my wife and I were in New York City and had a smashing time...so much has changed.

Well, I am anxious to get to our new location tomorrow and see some people that I haven't for a minute. The logistics are a little fuzzy company wide, but basically we're all just trying to get to Kuwait so we can leave. More or less I think our replacements are now in possession of all of our equipment and are getting adjusted to their new mission.

Let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I want to thank those people that have been faithful in their prayers and who have supported us across the miles. This company has definitely had it's share of mishaps, but luckily none of those has included a memorial service. Their aren't a lot of units who are fortunate enough to say that and those absences will be especially pronounced this time of year. We've had more close calls than I care to mention, but thus far we've done alright.

On a personal note I am truly indebted to a handful of individuals whose kind words and concern I have cherished more than you could possibly know. Thank you.
Dec. 21st, 2005 @ 09:25 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Swithfoot- Twentyfour
24 hour communications restrictions until the families of some soldiers could be notified. sadly quite a routine practice.


The Angel Gabriel from heaven came
His wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flames
"Oh hail" has said he to Holy Maiden Mary
(to holy mary)
Most highly favoured maid Gloria
(Most highly favoured maid Gloria)

Forknown a blessed mother thou shalt be
For generations loan and honnaly
Thy son shall be Imanuel th'as years forsawt
Most highly favoured maid Gloria
(Most highly favoured maid Gloria)

The gentle Mary neatly bowed the head
"To me, be as it pleaseth God" she said
"My soul shall whole and magnify this holy maid"
Most highly favoured maid Gloria
(Most highly favoured maid Gloria)

Of her Imanuel, the Christ was crossed
His Bethlehem all honor Christmas ghost
As everyone through out the world will Heaven save
Most highly favoured maid Gloria
(Most highly favoured maid Gloria)


this has been my favorite Christmas song for some time...it's called 'Gabriel's Message' and it's perfomed by Sting. unfortunately, it might bump Death Cab to second spot. if you get the chance to hear this track it is very beautiful.
Dec. 20th, 2005 @ 07:09 am (no subject)
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Current Music: DCFC- Soul Meet Body
Okay...since i will not be in town for Christmas i would like for everyone to find something on the internet that they'd like to give me or someone else...mind you since this is purely hypothetical money is no object. Below you will find a link to a gift that i want to buy for someone, but i don't know who yet. probably someone from the office.

"Have at you, blackguard!"

http://www.jamesmcadam.co.uk/portfolio_html/sb_table.html

So the company is from the UK, but what is it about the roused-from-british-slummber guy that makes this guy look decidely British? i can't put my finger on it.
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 07:24 am (no subject)
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Well, lets see...let me open up the bag of aimless drivel once more.

Our fellowship is richer and our canteen doth spew in excess now that another platoon of elite 940th MPs has added itself to the number of fierce, warriors here at FOB Brassfield Mora. We are one step closer to exodus from purgatory.

Friends, Romanians and Countrymen...lend me your fears ears. So when I move my jaw my right ear is hurting because something is rotten in the state of the auditory canal. Once before this happened...my ear swelled shut.....and I had to have a little stint put in....ouch.....to allow some topical steroid stuff access to the tissue in there and reduce the swelling. I hope it doesn't escalate to that level because I have reservations about military medical personal when compared to civilian (no offense you know who). that opinion springs from the tail of four wisdom teeth and their journey from the inside my mouth to the outside. two of them were removed compliments of the goverment...barbaric...one got broken in half...it was really quite a hellish experience. the other two came out at UK prior to my deployment by my own preemptive planning and I was wondering why the dentist moved to other side of the chair. 'hey, aren't you going to remove the tooth on the right side'. 'oh, it's gone already'. the worst part is my ipod can't talk to me in stereo.
Dec. 17th, 2005 @ 06:12 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: touched
Current Music: Crystal Method- Dastrix
first, the userpic was totally ganked from Dan...'cause Dan is cool and the best 'cool' i can come up with is 'counterfeit Dan cool'. this is a photo of Christian Bale, which most people will recognize as the protagonist from the Batman Begins movie... This shot is from Equilibrium which came out a couple of years ago...it reminds me of Fahrenheit 451. emotion is disregarded...frail and faulty and logic reigns supreme. imagine the total opposite of our unit...lol. furthermore, the special affects were 'fan-freakin-tastic AND done without wires... this is one of those movies i recommend to people whose opinions i regard as important. the gun kata was something very inventive...imagine melee combat with small arms...it's hard to explain, but execution of the concept was exquisite. the strength of the story carries the film while the special effects serve to enhance the experience...kind of like the direct inverse of a modest majority of John Woo films. Grammaton Cleric ranks just behind Jedi on my list of fantasy careers. THIS MOVIE IS WEAPONS-GRADE COOL!!! *cough* umm, yea i like it.

dan, had another one from firefly quoting Jane which i thought was amusing and i might ninja that one too.

the company is splintered and everyones particular situation is a little different, but we here at Brassfiied Mora have good news...our replacements have arrived!! *sits calmly to regain composer* :) we'll all eventually be taking chinook helicopters to Spiker and the rest of the company will assemble there before we all move to Kuwait. the general consensus i've collected from the 3rd ID guys is that this transition to Kuwait may take much less time than our command is anticipating. on the other hand the National Guard is a totally different animal. everyone is aware of the fact that timetables in the military never hold up anyway.... 'No plan ever survives first contact with the enemy'.

*update*

Dan said. "he's awesome, right now equilibrium is my favorite movie. rocks so hardcore"

'nuff said.

//bookmark http://www.biosmagazine.co.uk/article.php?id=2591
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 04:32 pm (no subject)
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Current Music: Switchfoot-Lonely Nation
woohoo...two updates in one day. :)

alright everyone tell me their best joke...

here's mine:

A string goes into a bar and pulls up a stool to order a drink. The bar tender walks up and says, 'hey, you read?' and thumbs over his shoulder to a sign on the wall that says 'we don't serve strings'.

*stop me if you've heard this one*

so the string goes outside...ruffles up his hair and contorts himself.

he walks back in and the bartender walks over and eyes him suspiciously and says, 'you aren't that sting that was in here earlier today where you?'

the sting says, 'nope. i'm 'afraid not'....

okay, people the competition isn't very steep so go at it.

*update*
tonight i got to play with a m249 saw (light machine gun)..brand new. holy shnikes..i think there's some emotional attachment, but since i already have a m249 issued to me should i feel quilty?
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 12:19 pm (no subject)
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Current Music: Whiteheart- Gabriela
three KIAs not far from here...the blackout ended sooner than i expected it to.

a portion/all of our replacments might be here today.

it's rainning and cold...very bleak outside, but the river will flow.

thx Kirk.
Dec. 15th, 2005 @ 04:40 am (no subject)
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we're going on communications blackout again...i'll be out of the loop for a couple of days.
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 11:52 am (no subject)
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not much time to post.

the other night i was standing outside appreciating the depth and breadth of the nightsky when a mortar hit our fob. it was not to far from my left and quite an impact...i guess if you're going to die it wouldn't be a bad way to go. all of us are appointed a check out time. i was surprised at how casual i regarded the possibilities of that experience and again later when i found myself startled at outgoing fire...usually i barely notice it.

i managed to get taco bell. :) this is a good thing...thank you Fro!

we're probably leaving here in less than two weeks and spending Christmas and New Years at Camp Spiker before bouncing to Kuwait and then Dix. the living conditions here are awful and i really just want laundry facilities and showers that aren't disgusting.

thx for the commentary guys.
Dec. 10th, 2005 @ 03:38 pm (no subject)
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this might be fun...alright so this morning during a conversation with some other soldiers someone mentioned the 'airplane graveyard' in Arizona. i think i see a roadtrip. i want to attempt to do some infrared photography and if i can get the filters together and the Canon 20D's ir filter isn't superb....well screw it. i've got a wide angle lens and even if it doesn't do a great job i can cheat in photoshop cs2 later...i'd rather not have to. a good 77mm infrared lens is probably not super cheap though. there's a lot of logistics involved and and i'm not sure if i'll go alone or take a companion...i think driving is the way i'll go because part of the reason i want to go is just to get away from it all and think for awhile. maybe i'll call John McCain's office and ...hmm, is Tucson even close to Phoenix? I think if would be cool to meet McCain if possible...another goal. so the graveyard itself is near Tucson. i think the photo ops would be awesome. one of the civilian IPA guys we worked with in Hilla is an az resident..hmmm.

http://www.dm.af.mil/tours.htm

the screening wasn't quite as 'interactive' as i had speculated/anticipated on behalf of my fear of rubber gloves and people who are more friendly than professional courtesy dictates. lots of questions..mostly no no no..a few uncomfortable yeses.

you know i realized today that i am a chronic understater...well, not really. ;)
Dec. 10th, 2005 @ 08:08 am (no subject)
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random patterns in the 'verrse or something else? crazy or flying by the wire? *ponder ponder muse* do you believe in premonitions? do you think God talks to people? this is not a question i'm throwing out there for casual banter or witty jousting contests. more than any sunday school class ever did a class on galactic astronomy cemented my belief in God. anyway...

so we've got medical screenings today...yet another encouraging indicator that they might actually in tend to let us leave this country. i'm sure i'll have something to say post experience. :)

my hair is 'fixed'...a Filipino man that i know (who everyone calls Chief) squared it away last night. someone commented on it this morning and said it looked rather Marine Corp oorahish. the most hardcore selflicted doo i've ever had was the one i wore to greece with Marines. the morning before we left i was trimming it up a bit and cut a large gash out of it. i don't think people should cut their own hair. zip...just took it all off. wasn't what i was going for, but okay.

i'm tired, anxious, my cold is blossoming into a lovely respiratory infection and for some reason dsn servers on this half of the planet hate gmail. it's funny...every other webpage on the net will load...gmail takes like 55 refreshes...not a far cry from the exact numbers.